The Autist Fool's Digest

Philosophy + Fiction + Society +Arts + Memoir + Observation

Glossary of Terms:

1) autist ('ah-tist'): a person affected with autism: autistic; neurospicy.

2) the fool: the wisdom of the fool is associated with that which is found through a paradoxical faith, hopeless romance, wild abandon, and reckless desire.

The Rules of Entry Are Simple:

#1: You must leave all biases, presuppositions, and opinions at the door. In this place, there is no "non-fiction," only symbolic and metaphorical representations of The Real. Remember, in this space everything is fiction.

#2: In this space, everything you think you know is an illusion. Society, money, and knowledge itself is part of this. Our illusions will act as place-holders, or attempts at knowing a mystery, or that which has not been revealed yet.

#3: There is no truth here, only perspective, opinion, and (paradoxically) truth. This is not indoctrination, but an examination. An investigation, if you will. There is no telling what we may find in this process.

#4: Upon entrance, you have life-time access. There is no charge for entry, but it may cost everything. Or nothing at all. 

#5: This is an attempt at an artistic rebellion! This is a call to any who chooses the pen over the sword, kindness over hate, and refuses to play their part in this Carousel of Absurdity we call Society. 

Any attempted strangeness and abstraction are completely intentional.

The Thing(s) No One See(s)

 by L. Akers

Living with (what I now know is) autism can be incredibly challenging and exhausting, especially when it comes to dealing with differences that other people do not see. As someone who also has ADHD, I often feel like I am constantly struggling between what is logical and what "feels right." The constant tug-of-war between these conflicting thoughts and emotions can feel like an uphill battle that never ends.

One of the most difficult aspects of dealing with this is the lack of "feel-good" hormones that many people take for granted. These hormones, such as serotonin and dopamine, play a critical role in regulating moods, emotions, and overall mental well-being. For those of us with autism, however, these hormones are often in short supply, leaving us feeling lonely, depressed, and disconnected from the world around us. This leads to a very real physical and mental burnout, as well as a slew of dependencies, chemical and otherwise, due to this chemical deficit.

Perhaps the most frustrating thing about living with autism/ADHD is the way that others often respond to our challenges. Despite our best efforts to communicate our struggles and explain what we need, many people simply do not understand the way our brains work. They may tell us to "just relax" or "don't worry about it," not realizing that these feelings are not something we can control or switch off with a flick of a switch.

There are no easy solutions to the challenges of living with autism, but there are ways to cope with these difficulties and find support/understanding from those around us. For me, this has meant learning to be patient with myself, seeking out resources and support, and advocating for my needs and rights as a person on the autism spectrum. 

While my struggles may never completely "go away," with my diagnosis comes a sense of context and understanding I have never had, so this is new ground to navigate for us all. 

So if you know someone with autism, please take the time to learn more about this complex and fascinating condition, and offer your support and compassion wherever possible. As I continue to go through this difficult stage of "unmasking," I plan on talking about the difficult as well as the good. Together, we can help foster a world that is more inclusive, understanding, and accepting for everyone, regardless of their differences.

 The only social anamolies are the ones we create.

An Inconvenient Return Perhaps

by L. Akers

I have been flirting with the idea of the Divine as Nature, which has been “killed” (a la Nietzsche) by man’s mistaken sense of superiority over Nature (this follows the allegory of Adam and Eve’s removal from the Garden of Eden). This idea of human excellency has led to the imposition of a false reality (a “matrix” if you will) that is superimposed upon reality as “society,” which is a self-contained system used for control. We have recreated the natural world in our own image and sanctified ourselves as gods, completely oblivious to the damage we are causing because we feel like we should be catered to as “God’s favorite creatures” (or so we say).  

So, I honestly believe that we must return to our natural state, where we are intimately interconnected and free from the divisions that this society has made for us to sustain itself (and thus keep itself in power). In this sense, the Divine is not some distant, all-powerful being but rather an immanent force within Nature, and as a result, within us. It is the interconnectedness of all living things and the energy that flows through us and the world around us. To return to this state of interconnectedness, we must shed our ego-driven desire for superiority and control and instead embrace humility and respect for the natural world. This means acting in ways that are in harmony with Nature, rather than seeking to dominate and exploit it for our own selfish purposes. This perspective reinforces the idea that everything in the world is interconnected and interdependent. It encourages us to remember that we are all part of a larger, living organism, and our actions have repercussions not only for ourselves but for the entire planet. By recognizing our place within the larger ecosystem, we can begin to work towards a more sustainable and harmonious future.  

Making this vision a reality requires a significant shift in our values and priorities as individuals and as a society. It involves challenging the dominant narrative of consumerism and economic growth and replacing it with an ecocentric worldview that values sustainability and the interconnectedness of all things. Practically speaking, this would require significant changes to our political and economic systems. For example, we would need to move away from the reliance on fossil fuels and promote renewable energy sources. We would also need to prioritize conservation and protection of critical ecosystems, rather than exploiting them for short-term economic gain. Individually, we can make changes in our daily lives to reduce our environmental impact and live in a way that is more in harmony with nature. This could involve reducing our consumption of single-use plastics, eating a plant-based diet, or engaging in activities that connect us more deeply with the natural world. Of course, making these changes on a large scale requires a collective effort, and it will take time to shift the dominant cultural narrative towards this vision. However, many communities and organizations around the world are already working towards more sustainable and ecocentric systems, and their efforts provide a blueprint for how we can make this vision a reality. 

As far as I am concerned, we only have one real shot to make it out alive and the only way through this is together. I know this may seem paranoid or extreme, but no further arguments are needed. Look outside your window. What other proof do you need? How do we do this? No idea, but I am open to suggestions.  

All I know is that I cannot do it alone. 

We Don't Give Hope. We Build It.

A Page From the Autist Fool's Notebook, by L. Akers

As of late, I have been taking some time out to clear my head and refocus. To any naysayers out there, autistic meltdown is very real, and it is debilitating in ways I cannot quite explain.  

For context, these are the times that you do not hear from me; where I seemed to fall off the face of the earth. I do not go out. I rarely answer calls or texts. If you invite me out, I do not show up. 

I hide because I must.  

The lights are too bright. 

The noises and sounds around me are all blending, making them incomprehensible. 

I cannot think straight in this space. My internal monologue turns menacing and hurtful, in a voice that is my own, but does not exist anymore, at least not in the same way. 

It is like being haunted by ghosts, but ghosts do not exist. These specters are visions of my past; snapshots of fear and pain that go far beyond the appearances of history. 

These are the times that I tell you that I am just “in my head,” and I stay quiet.  

But the truth is, I am fighting a battle that only I can see.  

Yes, you can see it when you pay attention, but most people are too wrapped up in their own respective noise.  

It is a battle against my own mind, against my own thoughts. And it is a battle that I need to fight alone, in the safety of my own space, where I can calm down and regain control of myself.  

Autistic meltdown is not something that can be explained easily to someone who has not experienced it. It is not just a tantrum or a mood swing. It is a complete overwhelm of the senses, emotions, and thoughts, all at once. And it can last for hours, days, months, depending on the person and the situation.  

So, if you know someone who is autistic and seems to disappear from time to time, please try not to judge them or take it personally. They are not trying to be rude or avoid you. 

 They are simply taking care of themselves in the best way they know how.  

Sometimes, all they need is a little understanding and support, even if it is from a distance.  

As for me, I am slowly but surely finding my way back to the world. And I am grateful for the people in my life who understand and respect my need for space and time, even when I cannot articulate it well. 

 It is a journey, but I am not alone.